


A Fade Souvenir

by misscai



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst and Fluff, F/F, F/M, Suicidal Thoughts, also an abrupt cliffhanger ending, bc i couldn't think of a better end, but those are bc of a demon so, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-14 20:37:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7189304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misscai/pseuds/misscai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Caiside and Khalia were sucked into the Fade by some mystical Venatori magic, and Caiside hasn't been the same since.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Fade Souvenir

“You, too?” Khalia asked, coming out to lean against the battlements where Caiside was slumped. The younger woman nodded, looking up with red-rimmed eyes. Dark smudges ached above Khalia's cheekbones, her lack of sleep visible with the purple shadows. They sat together in the late night, neither of them speaking for a while.

“I hate the Fade,” Caiside whispered, clenching her left hand into a fist around the green scar that marked both her and her companion.

“I know,” Khalia said softly. “Have you talked to Cullen about what happened?”

“No.” The blonde's voice was sharp and cold, in such contrast to her normal self that Khalia startled slightly. Caiside sighed, picking at a loose thread on her sleeve. “Sorry. I just... I don't want him to worry over me.”

“It's his best skill,” Khalia teased, earning a small giggle from Caiside for her effort. “But I still think you should tell him, Cai.” The girl stiffened, but Khalia pushed on. “You don't want him to think you're pushing him away, or that you don't trust him. It took me a while to tell Josie, but it's really helped now that she understands. It's easier to share the burden.” She could practically hear Caiside's teeth grinding, so Khalia got to her feet and walked away.

Josephine opened sleepy eyes when Khalia slipped back into their bedroom. She sat up and yawned, pushing unruly dark curls away from her face. Khalia climbed into bed and placed a chaste kiss on Josephine's cheek, then another on Ailish's forehead where she slept in between them. The women settled back against their pillows, hands clasped tightly together over their daughter's slight form as they fell back asleep.

.

“I'm gonna find you,” Bull rumbled with a grin, stomping through the grass in the forest outside the fortress walls. He pretended not to hear the giggling coming from the hollow log near the pond, instead poking his head around tree trunks and boulder piles. “Where are you, little lion?” Finally he approached, taking a leap and splashing into the pond right in front of the log's opening and roaring as he stooped to look inside. His triumph was cut short when the log was absolutely empty. A hand pulled at his pants; Bull glanced down to see a missing-tooth grin and tousled blonde hair. “Well, well! The lion pounces!” He scooped the boy up in his arms, tossing him into the air. Lysander screamed with joy.

_Screaming. He was screaming. Caiside threw her weight against the iron bars of the cage she was locked inside of, desperate to get to him. Through the green, choking fog, she could see a tiny figure running towards her. She dropped to her knees, reaching through the bars, reaching towards him. He stumbled into her arms, crying into her neck. She petted his hair, hushing him with whatever soothing sounds she could manage over her own fear. But then he was ripped away, the clawed fingers of terror demons dragging him out of her reach. Caiside screamed, tasting blood as she overexerted her vocal cords. He was screaming again, the demons pinning him to the ground and slicing, shredding, snapping, slitting..._

“Lysander!” Caiside yelled, lurching upright from where she'd fallen asleep beneath a shady tree. Tears tracked down her face, panic making her heart beat hard against her ribs.

“Mama?” Lysander's expression turned from happiness to confusion. Bull put the boy back on the ground, following him as he toddled off towards his mother. Caiside hurried to wipe her face and put on a smile as Lysander crawled up into her lap.

“Hello, petal,” She said, keeping her voice low to hide its shake. Lysander frowned, sensing something was wrong. He was very intelligent for a two-and-a-half year old, and he was already showing signs of perceptiveness. Leliana would turn him into a spy by the time he was seven. He wrapped his arms around Caiside's neck, pressing his mouth against a freckle on her neck. It was a behavior he'd learned from seeing his father do the same. Caiside always laughed when Cullen kissed her; Lysander usually elicited the same response. But today, she just held him tight, one hand pressed against his back and the other cradling his head. Bull squinted at her, the unusual behavior not going unnoticed by him.

Nor was the tear that slipped unbidden from Caiside's eye when her son couldn't see.

.

Yet another sleepless night.

Caiside had hoped that getting out of Skyhold and into the field would help her clear her mind and allow for some rest. Fighting red templars in the Emerald Graves was typically good exercise, enough to wear her out and give her a good nine or ten hours' sleep each night. She'd been in the Graves for three days, and had hardly slept a wink. Now, she was wandering through the underbrush, aimless and exhausted. Before she knew it, she'd ascended a hill that ended as a cliff. Crystal grace bloomed over the sheer drop into the rocky stream below.

_Jump._

She startled at the voice that spoke in her mind. It wasn't hers. It wasn't anyone's. It was a hiss, a wicked whisper that urged action. Her feet moved forward unconsciously, a haze shrouding her mind. _Go on, Chosen One. Herald. Inquisitor. Hero. Savior._ Each title was a sneer, and poked at her back like the points of knives. _They trust you. They put their lives in your hands. And you... you let them die._ Stroud's face came to the forefront of her mind. She took another step. The soldier from the Plains, who had entrusted Caiside with her ring before dying right in front of her. Another step. All the people in Haven, burned by dragon fire, trapped in buildings, impaled on swords. Three more steps. Her toes curled over the edge of the cliff face. Rather than seeing the river when she looked down, she saw Divine Justinia.

_You killed them._

“Caiside!” Dorian gasped, freezing her foot to the ground—the other had taken a step, hovering in the air. He rushed forwards, wrapping his arm around her waist and unfreezing her to pull her back away from the edge. While she was still under its influence, the voice spoke again. You were sleepwalking. Say nothing else. “Maker, woman, what were you doing?!”

“S-Sleepwalking, I suppose,” Caiside mumbled, rubbing at her eyes. Dorian frowned at her.

“You nearly killed yourself,” He said.

“I didn't realize...” Caiside looked over to the cliff, then up at Dorian. He helped her to her feet, leading her back to camp.

“Don't do this again. I'll tie you down if I must,” He commented, his nerves shaken more than he'd admit. Once she was back in her tent, Dorian rubbed the back of his neck and seated himself beside the fire, settling in for a night of guard duty.

.

“Inquisitor, we have a situation,” Dorian announced, striding into Khalia's bedroom without knocking. Both the elf and the ambassador scrambled to cover themselves with the sheets, Khalia throwing a pillow at Dorian's head. He didn't seem fazed in the least, perching in the armchair that rested in the corner of the room.

“Get out, Pavus,” Khalia practically growled.

“I'm afraid this requires immediate attention.” He crossed one leg over the other, waving a hand in the air. “Lady Montilyet, I can close my eyes, if you wish to get dressed.” Josephine nodded, a little dumbstruck. Dorian sighed and placed a palm in front of his face. Both women got out of bed, replacing their clothing. Josephine kissed Khalia briefly before running out of the room, her whole face red. Dorian revealed his face again, one eyebrow lifted. “She is remarkably fit underneath all those ruffles. Who would have guessed?”

“I'd be extremely careful with what you say next,” Khalia threatened, fngers itching towards the daggers on her bedside table.

“Oh, pish. You wouldn't dare.” He steepled his fingers in front of his face. “Anyway, I'm here about your partner, not your wife. Our other Lady Lavellan is troubling me.” Briefly, he told Khalia what he'd witnessed in the Graves, her brow creasing with concern as he spoke. When he'd finished, he asked the question she'd expected but not wanted: “What happened to you two?”

“The Venatori had some kind of bottled-up Fade bullshit and it sucked us into the Fade. We were both scared, but... I think that the Venatori managed to expose both of us to our greatest fears, whether or not they intended to do so or not.” She leaned against the desk, rubbing her temples as she recalled that night. “We didn't know if we'd get out, if we'd see our families again. I didn't like being helpless; Caiside was probably terrified to have our safety on her shoulders.”

“That does sound like her,” Dorian mused.

“She won't talk to anyone about it, not even me. I think something else happened to her while we were there, but I don't know what it was. Maybe she saw a fear demon or something and it shook her up.” Khalia shrugged.

“You don't suppose she would actually be considering... you know, a jump?”

“No,” Khalia said immediately. “No, she wouldn't leave Cullen and Lysander. But she hasn't been sleeping much since we got back. It's possible that she really was sleepwalking, and was so exhausted and out of it that she didn't realize what was happening.”

“So we do nothing?”

“I didn't say that. We should keep an eye on her.”

“Should I inform the commander? Surely he'd want to know.”

“No, we can't tell him. Caiside wouldn't want that.” Khalia sighed. “I'll try to convince her to talk to him. Until then, she's under our watch.”

“Oh, lovely. Another responsibility,” Dorian griped, standing up and adjusting his armor.

“It isn't like you have anything better to do, other than whining about the library and interrupting my nice morning,” Khalia rolled her eyes. “Now get out of here. And learn to knock.”

.

Caiside stumbled out of the tavern, giggling at the conversation that followed her out until the door shut. She had a pleasant buzz, her vision blurry but just clear enough so that she could see where she was walking. It was late in the evening; still, light shone out from Cullen's tower windows. Hopefully he'd put Lysander to bed before resuming his work; otherwise the boy would be sleeping all the next day. She considered climbing up the stairs and dragging him to bed, but the steep stone climb held no appeal to her at the moment. Instead she headed for the stables, meaning to brush down her horse.

“Hi, boy,” She grinned, leaning over his stall door and nuzzling his nose. He snorted at the scent of the alcohol on her breath. “D'you miss me? I missed you. You're my good boy.” A breeze kicked up, stirring her hair and slipping beneath her clothes, eliciting a shiver. “'S cold.” Caiside turned, moving closer to the fire that Dennet kept burning in the barn.

_Keep going._ That voice was back, turning her intoxicated haze into a less pleasant one. She furrowed her brow, not moving except to poke at her forehead.

“Get out,” She mumbled. There was a dark laugh, and then the fire transformed into an inferno, swallowing the screams of people trapped inside of the buildings at Haven, the people that Caiside couldn't get to. _You could have saved them. If only you had slowed down, stopped being so concerned with your own safety, they would be alive. You were selfish. What makes your life more valuable than theirs?_ She considered that, inching towards the blaze. What did make her more special? She was a Dalish elf with only one other clan member. She had thought she was Andraste's chosen vessel, but even that wasn't true; she wasn't meant to have her mark. It was supposed to be Khalia, only Khalia, and she had interfered. Caiside was an accident. Disgust and shame rose with the bile in her throat, and she shook her head, finally confessing, “Nothing.” _Then repent. Join those that you abandoned._ She lifted a hand, sticking it out until the flames licked around her fingertips.

“Inquisitor, I would have thought that you—By Andraste, what are you doing?” Blackwall yanked Caiside's arm away from the fire, hissing when he saw the already blistering burns. He pulled her outside to the well, drawing up a bucket of water and placing her hand inside. “Are you alright?”

“I'm fine,” Caiside nodded, frowning at her singed fingers. “I was cold.”

“Well you chose a bad way to remedy that,” Blackwall said, looking across the courtyard and waving somebody over. “Mind watching this one for a bit?”

“Sure,” Krem said, leaning against the wall of the well and studying Caiside's face. Blackwall jogged over to the infirmary to retrieve bandages and healing salve. “Playing with fire, boss? How's the little one going to learn any better if you go around touching things you shouldn't?” She didn't respond, and Krem recalled what Bull had told him about the day in the woods. Before he could question Caiside, however, Blackwall returned to tend to her hand. They did the work in silence, then Krem returned to the tavern and Blackwall walked Caiside to Cullen's office.

.

The strange behavior continued, until nearly all the inner circle had witnessed it. Varric kept her from pricking her finger on an arrow she'd poisoned. Vivienne had to stop her from getting too close to the sulfuric gas that hadn't been dealt with in the Western Approach. Cole found her 'sleepwalking' again, straight towards a nest of giant spiders; ever since, he'd shared her tent on their adventures. Sera slapped toxic berries out of her hand. Cassandra rescued her from drowning in white-water rapids.

“Perhaps she has mother's sorrow,” Josephine suggested, seated on a bench in the tavern with Ailish on her lap, practicing her handwriting. “It would be a very late case, but it's possible.”

“I don't know,” Khalia sighed, sipping at her tankard.

“I've seen stuff like this before,” Bull interjected, coming to sit across from the women. “Soldiers get it sometimes. They find ways to cope with their stress. Usually it's with alcohol or sex, though. Not trying to die.”

“I've seen her 'coping' before,” Dorian said, walking up to the table with Cole and Varric in tow. “It wasn't this extreme, and Cullen was helping her to deal with it. But he has no idea what she's doing now.” Khalia looked over to Cole, who had a troubled expression on his face.

“Can't you hear her hurting?” She inquired, but the boy shook his head.

“Her head is too full. There's no place for me.”

.

Caiside laid on her back in bed, looking up through the still-open hole in Cullen's roof. The sky was dotted with stars, bright little pinpricks in the dark satin draped over the world. Usually it was a comfort to her. Now, it was oppressive. She turned onto her side, trailing her fingers over Cullen's cheek and down the side of his neck.

“Cullen,” She whispered, squeezing gently at his bicep. He hummed, eyes barely cracking open, heavy with fatigue.

“What is it?” He asked, tightening his arm around her waist and pulling her close. “Is something wrong?”

“No, I just...” The words trembled on her lips, desperate to be said. She choked them back, forcing a smile onto her face and kissing beneath his jaw. “I'm sorry. I love you.” Cullen chuckled and rolled her over, until her back was pressed firmly against his chest. His hand stroked along her hip, down her thigh and back up before looping around her stomach.

“Get some sleep, my love,” He murmured against her neck, pressing a kiss there and nuzzling the skin with his nose. Within minutes, Caiside heard his breath even out, signaling his slumber once more. She waited another hour, then she lifted his arm and slipped out of bed, brushing a hand across Lysander's forehead where he slept in his crib as she exited the tower. She walked along the battlements, bare feet quiet on the stone. Before she knew it, she was standing on the bridge, looking out over the chasm it crossed.

She wanted to be back in bed, wrapped up in Cullen's arms, breathing in his scent, bathed in his affection. The unrest in her mind prevented it. Her anchor mark burned, itching and tingling as if a rift were right in front of her. Perhaps there was, and she couldn't see it. Reality and illusion blurred together more and more often now. Her head spun, and her knees buckled, leaving her torso sprawled on the stone wall. She looked below through half-lidded eyes, the chasm floor seemingly rising up to meet her, to swallow her in its cold depth and darkness. Monsters cloaked in shadow screeched at her, claws reaching up to drag her down. Panic rose in Caiside, but she couldn't move, couldn't look away. Instead she just blinked slowly, facing her fate. The beasts turned familiar, black and red morphing into amber and blonde.

_I don't love you,_ Cullen said.

“Yes you do,” Caiside mumbled into the stone. “We're married.”

_No we aren't. I would never marry a murderer._ She turned her head to the side, looking at her hand. Nothing was there, nothing but the bright green of the anchor mark. A gasp broke out of her throat, and she looked back to Cullen.

“B-But Lysander—”

_Lysander is my son._

“He's our son.”

_No, he's mine. You're trying to steal him, corrupt him, make him like you. Make him a hunter. Make him a killer. Make him a monster._

“No,” Caiside whimpered, putting her hands over her ears. The picture shifted, showing flashes of her memories. Her, abandoning the Divine. Her, firing an arrow into the throat of a rebel mage, blood gurgling from the wound. Her, slicing a dagger upwards, cutting a templar's stomach and chest in half. Her, burning a pile of corpses that had died at her hands. Her, with blood dripping down from her fingertips, splattered on her face, staining her armor, covering her boots. “Stop it.”

_Look at them, Caiside._ Another change, and tears filled Caiside's eyes. She saw Skyhold, and it was destroyed. Smoke rose from the rubble. Bodies littered the ground, and she recognized them. Bull, a horn missing and daggers inside his chest. Krem beside him, his throat entirely covered in black-red blood. A broken staff still sparking lightning, Vivienne's hand loosely curled around it. Arrows poking out of Sera's throat. Cole's hat, shredded just like he was. _You did this._

“No,” She shook her head.

_Yes. Look. Look at your friends. Their wounds are familiar. You can see it._ And she could. The gashes scoring Varric's chest matched the lethal pattern she used in close combat. The fletching on the arrow that was buried in Blackwall's heart was her own. She had done this. She had killed them all. _That's right. You're a murderer. You're a beast._ The view changed again, and Caiside's heart shattered. Josephine, gold-and-purple turned to russet red, sprawled across Khalia's chest. Khalia, her skin burned and blood pooling under her body. And beside them, little hand still clutched in Khalia's, was Ailish, with Caiside's dagger plunged deep in her stomach. _Child-killer._

“No!” She screamed, shoving away from the wall of the bridge and collapsing onto the stone as her knees gave way. A clawed hand gripped her throat, lifting her off the ground. She choked and coughed for air that she wasn't getting. The hollow black eyes of a fear demon looked up at her, chilling her to the core.

_You are a monster, Inquisitor. You are more of a demon than I am._ He clenched his fist tighter, and her vision swam with black spots. _We will return to the Fade where we belong._

“Caiside!” Someone shouted, the sound fuzzy and distant in Caiside's ringing ears. The demon screeched, dropping her. As she sucked in breaths, she saw the demon crouch low to the ground, snarling at her. _We will have our time._ And with that, he scrambled towards her, jumping back into her body as her companions ran towards her. Cullen scooped her up in his arms, petting at her hair.

“Fucking shite, you... you were floating!” Sera exclaimed, bow clutched in hand.

“Something was holding her up,” Blackwall corrected, examining the purpling bruises ringing Caiside's neck.

“It was a demon,” Cole said, kneeling beside Caiside and putting a hand on her forehead. “It jumped out, and I could get in. But then it jumped back in, and I had to leave.” He looked sad. “It's been there a long time.”

“Fasta vass,” Dorian swore. “That's what's been making her act strangely.” Caiside sat up in Cullen's lap, rubbing tears from her eyes as she looked around the group.

“You're all alive,” She said, relief and confusion mixing in her expression. “How?”

“Why wouldn't we be?” Cullen asked, tightening his arms around her waist. She looked up to him, grabbing for his hands.

“We're married, right?” She asked, finally finding the ring on his finger. Cullen's brow furrowed as he nodded. “A-And Lysander... he's our son?”

“Of course he is,” Cullen assured her. “What would make you think otherwise?” She just shivered and shook her head, turning to Khalia.

“Is Ailish alright?”

“She's with Josie and Leliana. She's fine, just a little nervous about all the screaming,” Khalia reported. Caiside nodded, then looked at Cullen.

“Lysander?”

“He's with Krem,” Bull said, joining the group. Caiside lurched to her feet at seeing the Qunari man, stumbling over to hug him. He looked a bit startled, chuckling despite his worry. “What's going on here?” She leaned back, inspecting his bare chest. Then she turned and threw her arms around Khalia, fisting her hands in Khalia's shirt.

“Come on. It's cold out here; let's get you inside, then we'll talk,” Khalia urged gently, keeping her arm around Caiside's waist while Cullen squeezed her hand and the whole group returned to the great hall.

.

Cullen settled Caiside into a chair near the fire before taking a seat next to her. Everyone else in the party arranged themselves around her. Khalia took her hand in comfort.

“What did you see on the bridge?” She asked.

“Everyone. All of you... I had killed you,” Caiside said, horror on her face as she stared directly at the table. “I wasn't married, because... Cullen, you hated me. And Lysander was yours, but not mine. And you said I was turning him into a monster. I was a monster.” Tears formed a film over her eyes. “I murdered everyone.” She looked to Khalia, shame and disgust at herself contorting her expression. “I killed you, and Josie, and Ai—” Her throat seized up and she turned her head away. Cullen wrapped his arms around her, tucking her face against his chest. Her words chilled Khalia to the bone.

“We need to get this fucking demon out of her,” Bull growled.

“Agreed. But it is late, and I think we could all use some sleep,” Dorian said, standing and pushing his chair back under the table. “By that, I mean we can all retire to our respective quarters and try to figure out a plan to purge the demon, because I know none of us will be sleeping.” Everyone else followed his lead slowly, filtering out of the hall. Khalia was the last to go, pausing to squeeze Caiside's shoulder.

“Hey,” She said, getting the girl's attention. Khalia gave her a small smile. “It's gonna be alright. Nothing that demon showed you will ever happen, you hear me? You'd never hurt any of us. It's just preying on your fears. But we're gonna get it gone, okay?”

“Okay,” Caiside nodded, smiling shakily. Khalia patted her shoulder, then left her with Cullen. He stroked his fingers through her hair, concern coursing through every vein in his body.

“Do you want to talk now, or back in the room?” He asked.

“I... Can I see Lysander?” Her voice was tiny, frightened as if he were going to refuse. Cullen rubbed her arm.

“I'm sure he'd like that. He's been worried about you. I'm sure he hasn't slept a wink.”

.

The Rutherfords were quiet as they got ready for bed. Krem handed Lysander straight to Caiside when they returned, the boy reaching insistently for his mother. Cullen tidied up his office and locked the doors, watching Caiside from the corner of his eye.

She clutched Lysander to her chest, running her fingers through his soft blonde curls. He had his own hands fisted in the collar of her shirt. A few tears dripped off of Caiside's cheeks, an errant one landing on Lysander's shoulder. He pulled back to look at her, using the palm of his hand to pet at her cheeks until they were dry. Then he smiled at her before nuzzling his nose against hers. She couldn't help the giggle that bubbled out of her throat, echoed immediately by Lysander's.

“Love Mama,” Lysander said, splaying his hand against her cheek.

“And I love you, my sweet boy,” Caiside murmured, glancing at Cullen. He smiled warmly at her, almost forgetting the earlier events of the evening in the tenderness of the moment. Lysander reached out one hand for Cullen, who stepped closer so that Lysander could curl his hand around Cullen's neck.

“Love Papa,” He said, smiling at his father. Cullen ruffled the boy's hair, wrapping his free arm around Caiside's waist and completing their little circle. They stayed like that for a few precious seconds, then Cullen pressed a kiss into Lysander's temple.

“Let's get to bed,” He suggested, urging Caiside towards the ladder to the loft. She adjusted Lysander on her hip, having mastered the skill of scaling the ladder one-armed. Cullen followed her up, not saying a word when she settled Lysander in the bed beside her rather than in his crib. She kept the boy close to her, always in her grasp. He rested his head on her upper arm, sticking his thumb in his mouth and fluttering off to sleep almost immediately. Caiside watched him for a few moments, then turned her head to look at Cullen, who was already looking at her.

“I'm sorry I didn't tell you,” She said, predicting what he'd ask. “I know you were worried when we vanished with the Venatori; I didn't want to worry you any more when you'd just gotten me back.”

“I understand,” He replied, keeping his voice steady and comforting. “How long has it been... controlling you?”

“It wasn't always, not physically, at least. It started as just nightmares. Then whispers. Then it was visions, and then it was controlling me.” She shuddered, and Cullen curled his hand around hers, squeezing reassuringly. “And then tonight...”

“What does it want? Why you?”

“I'm the weaker one,” Caiside said. “Khalia would never have let it get to her. But I looked right at it in the Fade, and it knew that it could take me.” She closed her eyes for a moment. “It wants me to pay penance for all the bad things I've done. Tonight, it said... it said I was a monster, just like it was, and it was going to take me back to the Fade where I belonged.” Before he could speak, she continued on, growing more and more agitated. “It showed me my memories, all the people that have died because of me, the people that I've killed. And it's right. I am a murderer.”

“No, you aren't.” Cullen's voice was heated, hard, and insistent. Caiside looked at him, her silver eyes so tortured that it nearly broke his heart. “You're a protector. What that demon won't let you see is how many people you've saved.” He brought their intertwined hands to his chest, pressing them to his heart. “I'm one of them, Caiside. You kept me from becoming a slave to lyrium again.”

“But look how much I've put you through ever since,” She whispered.

“Yes, how dare you make me love you,” Cullen said dryly, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. “How dare you marry me and bear our son? Truly, you are awful.” Caiside giggled despite herself, shoving at his shoulder.

“Hush, you. I'm being serious.”

“I am, too.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You're nothing close to a monster, my love. The only thing wrong with you is going to be gone soon.” She nodded slowly, then glanced over at Lysander, sleeping peacefully at her side. Then her gaze flicked back to Cullen.

“If we can't get rid of it—”

“Caiside—”

“If we can't,” She repeated, cutting him off with the earnestness of her expression. “You have to promise me that you'll... eliminate the danger. No matter what.” The real meaning of what she was saying hit him like a trebuchet projectile, and Cullen's eyes went wide. “We've already seen that it can control me. If it ever used me to hurt you, or Lysander...” She swallowed hard past the lump that had formed in her throat. “If it isn't gone in three days, you have to promise that you'll kill me.”

“No,” He said, shaking his head adamantly. “No, I won't.”

“Then at least allow someone else to do it,” Caiside insisted. “Or allow me to perform the act myself.”

“No.”

“Cullen, I can't be a danger to anyone. Especially not the two of you. You know that I'm right.” And he did know, and she was right, and he hated it. “As commander, you're in charge of protecting the Inquisition. And as a father, you're in charge of protecting your son.”

“And as your husband?”

“Protect me from myself. No matter the cost,” She said with a sad smile. “Promise?” Cullen gritted his teeth, closing his eyes against the sting of desperate tears.

“A week,” He choked out finally. “Give it a week.”

“A week, then,” Caiside accepted. Cullen nodded, then slid closer and pillowed his head on her stomach. She carded her free hand through his tousled hair, keeping the other wrapped around Lysander. Her eyes slipped shut, drifting off into much-needed sleep.

Even as a voice in the back of her mind echoed, _A week._

**Author's Note:**

> so yes. that's the end. but i've been considering a part two, so if anyone is interested... hit me up bc i need HElp coming up with another part tbh


End file.
